The Chinese believe that the postpartum period is very crucial for new mothers. So earlier during my pregnancy, I thought I was quite prepared for this so-called confinement (imprisonment?) period. I was sure my mum would want me to observe the traditional practices of the confinement.
I had engaged the services of a confinement lady through an agency; we call her Auntie.
Never had I expected the initial days after Karyn was discharged from hospital to be such a chaos. I thought I had everything ready and prepared for Karyn's arrival since my 8th month of pregnancy. But I was wrong.
In the early days, everyone (Mum, Dad, Hubby) were running around making countless trips over several days, to the market, supermarket, provision shops buying pails, buckets, basins, containers for milk bottles, towels, electric airpots, etc etc etc. As we were establishing the confinement household and routines, we didn't know what we lacked until we wanted to use it.
So there were so many occasions when we thought we had everything and then suddenly realise that something was lacking. So off Hubby (or Mum or Mum and Dad) would go, on another shopping 'spree' again.
It was very exhausting for everybody, even myself (when I'm supposed to be resting in bed most of the time). It was really a very trying period during the first 2 weeks of confinement. Many things were out of my control which I hate. My life was a battle every day.
There were power struggles with both Mum and Auntie (both of whom are at my place 24/7) who have their own ways of doing things which I couldn't adapt to. But when I voiced out, they kept putting on the pressure on me, citing endless examples of the negative consequences that some women whom they know suffered for not following the confinement practices.
Then another big problem was the breastfeeding. For some reason, my milk supply never really increased to an amount sufficient for Karyn. Plus she was not latching on properly. So she was always hungry.
Very reluctantly, I had to forgo my total breastfeeding plan and relented to feeding her formula milk. I crumbled under both the women's pressure and gave up cup feeding after one try. They started giving Karyn formula milk using bottles. My total breastfeeding plan was completely shattered. So was my heart.
Despite the pain (emotional and physical - due to sore nipples), I soldiered on and persevered on expressing breast milk for Karyn. At the very least, even of I cannot breastfeed her direct, at least she is still taking breast milk. That's all that matters to me, I couldn't ask for anything more at that time.
Fortunately, Karyn didn't have nipple confusion and refuse to latch on (perhaps because she's using NUK bottles and teats which are specially designed simulate as closely as possible the shape of the breastfeeding nipple and likewise make baby work hard). After a couple of days, Karyn managed to latch on properly. That was my greatest relief!
So now I'm combining all methods - latching, expressing, bottle feeding and supplementing with formula milk.
That few days in the beginning, I cried a lot. Everything was out of my control. I felt like both my life and Karyn's were run by these two women. The baby didn't even belong to them. Why are they making the decisions???
"Don't wash your hair. Wear pants at night. Wear a sweater. Don't switch on the fan. Eat your food while it's (scalding!) hot. Always wash your hands with boiled water. Don't touch tap water. Don't drink plain water. Finish up all your food. Don't feed the baby unless she screams at the top of her lungs. Don't carry her too often or it will become a bad habit. " The list is endless.
In the first few days, I had rashes on my neck, tummy and thighs. I was hot, bothered and frustrated. I hated every single bit of these mindless practices, some of which made a little bit of sense though most don't at all.
Furthermore, the confinement nanny is also very lazy, stubborn and has attitude problem.
Every time Mum asks her to cook a different dish which I have not eaten before, she would claim that she doesn't know how to cook it. Lame excuse. And she had not followed instructions - letting Karyn wear pampers when I've specifically told her to use cloth nappies in the day time - trying to skive so she didn't have to wash so many nappies.
On the rare two/three days that Mum was not around, she would skive and cook only 2 dishes for me instead of three for each meal. And she would not cook the tonic soup for supper either.
Worst of all, my baby was always hungry 'cos the confinement nanny didn't have the patience to feed her until she finishes her milk (which can take up to more than half an hour sometimes).
On top of the problems with the nanny, Mum would keep on complaining to me about her, and telling me lots of stuff about other people's practices which in a way adds on to my frustrations and stress. And to add to that, some of our beliefs about taking care of baby are different, so it's inevitable that we would argue over certain issues.
Having to bear with the episiotomy pain, after labour pains, sore nipples and breastfeeding pains were already bad enough (I was popping painkillers the entire two weeks), I still had to put up with all these nonsense. I really thought I was going crazy.
Thankfully, soon enough, by the end of the 2nd week, things started to slowly fall into place. My episiotomy got better, I eventually got used to some of the pains, routines were established, some compromises were made, and I gradually adapted to "life in prison".
Though there are still some disagreements here and there, over issues like taking care of the baby, at least life is more bearable now.
Lessons learnt - If I ever have a second baby,
1) I won't want to engage a confinement nanny. At most, I'll just order confinement food from the catering company.
2) As much as I appreciate having Mum to help take care of Karyn while I try to get some rest, I won't have Mum stay over to take care of me and baby full time. She can come over as and when she likes, but not stay at my place 24/7.
I think only when these two conditions are met will I be able to get through having another baby.
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